So i think i need to keep writing in here a little bit more, its almost the end of the semester and i want to keep getting marks for this, Im so loaded with homework right now its so overwhelming i have something due in everyclass that i either dont have done or barley have it done, and no matter how many days i take off it still isnt enough time. I am almost finished my english speech which i should of have presented today, i will have it done for tommorrow, my photo novella is definitly not finished yet but getting there, and my 2 art projects arent done yet either. I also have to hand in 2 assignments for english that i have finished and ask for another day or two on another english assignment and then have to start on my culminating. AHHHHH. i love highschool haha. Well im sure i will get all this done before exams i just need to want it bad enough.
So quite a bit has changed since new years and a little bit before that i havent gotten into really, mysoundtrack and I arent really an us or a we anymore, its just him.. then me. Two seperate people. We didnt end up working out, i take the blame for that, he didnt like some of the decisions i was making and i understand that, i learned a big lesson and talking to him made me realize how much i needed to go and talk to someone and my mom, now i feel a little bit better and have some new resolutions for this year. I think im going to change mysoundtracks name to bigboy just like what shortshorts calls him in her blog and because he is big.
As much as i wanted things to workout between us and as much as i like him its just to complicated he lives in london now and i can barly ever see him, which really sucks, and i guess i wasnt mature and lifesmart as i thought i was which also make things a little complicated.
I spent a few ddays being a little upset but slowly pulled myself through and got over it, Me and him still talk which is good and weere still friends, im going to watch him and his band play on friday :]
Since then ive discovered feelings for someone new, quick relapse.. sort of but ive always had these feelings for him just never really let them get the best of me. I met him in the summertime at a party i went to, i wasnt all completely there and the first thing i said to him was " youre hot " ooohh boy, thats great haha, great first impression, but we ended up spending the whole night together with my other 2 friends, he was really easy to talk to and we hit it off well. We hungout alot of times since then and became pretty good friends it wasnt until recently that he told me he thought i was really cute and wanted me that night ( not in a sexual way) but he already had a girlfriend. Now that we are both single we started to hangout and talk even more, things started to get good for me just a little bit after new years night. I think im going to call him cutie because hes super cute and says really cute things to me all the time. He's a little bit younger then what i usually go for but hes pretty mature for his age. He's 17. At first i had a bad feeling that he might just be saying some of these things to get in my pants but now i dont think so anymore, his bestfriend was talking to me and telling me how he doesnt want to sleep with me and he wants to take things slow which made me pretty happy, he told me himself that he wanted to be with me and that just right now wasnt the right time yet and i completely agreed because things do take time and i want them to take time.
Some of the really cute things he has said to me are:
When i was upset- "dont make me come over and pick up the peices"
just randomly - "your amazing", "awe, well your on my mind non-stop","no seriously, come cuddle please :)" "i like you", "i want to be with you","i want to be yours", "you mean alot to me", "i think im hooked on you"
and alot more, hes told me that im beautiful in person one time and i almost started crying because i didnt think it could ever mean so much coming from someone.
I love to be with him and i love to lay in his arms while he rubs my back and tickles my face. or kiss my cheek like 20 times in a row, or when he just sighs at random.
Just his smile gives me butterflys.
It pretty funny because im not one to move on so fast from a guy it takes me a long time because i take my feelings serious and dislike it when other people do it, but for some reason i cant help myself.. i just dont know what to do. :
Hopefully we hangout this weekend:) i cant wait till i see him next.
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Please don't blog for marks, you have been more active on the blog than most people in the class. Keep blogging because you like it, because it lets you get it "out there", or because is helps you cope when things get confusing.
ReplyDeleteDon't you find it interesting to go back and read your old posts? We can learn a lot about how we deal with situations by looking back at our reactions to them.
I think it's great you've got a new relationship in the works. It sounds like this person is making you happy, and helping you through what would've been a difficult time. You mention that you let people in easily. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't fight who you are, the world has too many skeptics, too many people who are too afraid to live. Go forward embracing your ability to get close, to let people in and to share your world. It's inspiring.
Keep blogging, I'll keep reading.