Thursday, October 29, 2009

Some of the things ive wrote

Some of my writing ..

Her minds racing as her feet catch up. I have to go, i have to get out. I cant take it anymore. Im scared. What do i do? the pain inflicted on me over the years marks my soul, haunts my memories. The darkness swallows the town as my heartache grows. The blackness under my eyes resembles the blackness of my blood that burns through my veins. I can only take so much for i am only human. Run faster he's coming says my mind but my throbbing legs began to shake and just then gave out. I toppled to the ground. I rolled over so i was lying on my back facing the sjy. There was a full moon. I watched as the faded clouds moved slowly across the sky. What an eerie yet beautiful night it was. Almost too good to be true, and I was right. I felt his cold hand move up and down my spine and then underneith my shirt. I trembled as he rolled me over and pulled me underneith of his body. I was a toy to him. Yet to mr, he was somone i trusted. Or someone i was supposed to be able to trust. I winced through the shocking pain that shot through my body. Not only was he hurting me physically he was hurting me emotionally, but there was nothing i could do now. I was just a child, small and weak and he was a man, muscular and full of strength. He was a man with need, needs that fed off of my body for years now. I just lyed there limp and closed my eyes. I hoped that i could fall asleep because i knoew that this would end sometime,until tommorrow that is. I wake up each and everyday to his face, his wicked lips purse as he kisses my mother on the forehead. When he looks up i just smile, a fake smile that has been painted on my face for 6 years. I dont say a word..

a rhyming couplet -
Upon me my misery lay, in the dark i think of the day, you were once there to hold me tight, shooting stars never shine this bright, then you left against my will, a heart may hurt but memories kill, stupid girl how could you be so numb, now here you lay alone and numb.

Free Verse-
Faded memories replay in my mind like a broked record, his blue eyes gleam in the sunlight as he purses his lips, boom boom; boom boom; my heart thuds as he leans in, i can still feel the softness of his lips pressed to my skin, like a light brush from a feathe setting my nerves on fire but as wild as a cheetah ready to pounce, through my veins burning desire pulses, heating up my skin, just like the way my warm pride does falling from my eyes. I'd give anything to relive those memories i will treasure forever. The world is crashing down around me, like the earth is being violently shaken. Like prey being fed upon by a lion i am being ripped apart. I am broken. But through the darkness i seek a light, the first cut is the deepest but no matter how deep a gash may be. Time shall heal it.

Slowly his cold hand slide down my back to pull my body closer. My heart hammers as his grip locks into an unbreakable hold. I twisted my hands through his hair and pressed my lips to his. I can feel his breath against my cold skin. I let my hands drop so i could wrap them around his neck. I traced his bottem lip with my tongue. As he pulled away he lifted my chin up with his bold hands to stare deep into my eyes. Wow he was gorgous. " i love you" a smile spread across his face as his lips formed the words. The street light lit the pitch black night that layed on top of us. My heart stopped as i whispered " i love you too." More then he would ever know. I reached up and touched his face, brushing my fingers slowly across his cheekbone, while i intwined my other hand in his. He leaned down to kiss my nose and then my lips. I made a face then covered it with my hand."Ew" i grumbled
"dont" he grabbed my hand and pulled it to my side. "You're beautiful." He said as he ran his fingers through my hair then kissed my forehead.

Then she turned to him and said " I dont need you to hold me up anymore. I dont need you to get me through my day. Slowly im finding myself in this mess you've made me. You taken me and shaken me you broke me and soaked me in my lonely tears. I dont need you anymore.


Soo, today was just another regular day.. get up. get dressed.. go to school. art,math,health english. whoot. Wow am i miss hollywood or what.. no followers. haha. Anyways im not shure what to do anymore. Im starting to lose alot of feelings for my current boyfriend. Im starting to be interested in other guys asweell and i definitly think that is noot fair for him. Usually its the guys that are in this position but not this time.. my current is completely different from most guys. He doesnt look at other girls when im around. I dont even know if he does when im not around. He is the one that always crys and says he doesnt want to lose me when we get into fights and he buys me whatever i want... where not just about sex either. I dont know.. he just does everything right. So what is my problem?! I guess im just getting bored. Its weird for me because i love him half the time and then the other half i dont. I just dont know what to do.. Help? Another pretty crappy thing about life right now is my friend, in the summer ended up having sex with her bestfriends ex and she didnt want anyone to know because she didnt want to get a name and she didnt even know why she did it. Buuuut it got out somehow, and now alot of people are saying its whorish and its just stressing her out. Which means its stressing me out aswell because i know what its like to sort of be in her shoes and i know how to feel and im trying my best to help her aswell, thoughh its getting no where. Eventually it will pass seeing as life goes on but.. i just hate drama. In my opinion. Crap happens, in life you make mistakes. Then you learn from them and it sucks when people give you a hard time along the way. She'll get through it though. I know that :)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A year ago from today.

A year ago from today i was probibly the happiest girl alive, though i was going through tough times with my dad and family, i was asked out by a guy 2 years older than me and felt amazing, i didnt know how much my feelings from then on would grow. This guy was my first love. I would never want to leave his side, i did everything i could for this one boy. We were attatched at the hip. Not only was he my boyfriend, he grew to be a bestfriend and somewhat like a father figure aswell. He would come get me if i needed to get out, he would push me in school and get mad at me when i did something i shouldent of, he protected me like a father. He was also like my medicine.. he scared away all the memories of my father that i would re-live in my dreams. That i would think about during the day. I just concentrated on him. My life seemed great. Like i said i gave everything to this boy.. even my virginity, when i wasnt ready.. but it didnt matter it made him happy. He seemed crazy about me too, buying me a ring and a cute stone with a cute saying on it. I loved him. Months later i went out for a weekend with my friend.. the longest i had been away from him. We had no contact and the day i got back he told me he wanted to be single again. That me being gone reminded him of when he was single. When he was free. I was crushed. Mostly mad at myself. I didnt know who i was anymore. I changed myself to be what he wanted. The next few weeks, were full of tears and sleepless nights. I went to school and dragged through my classes, then i went home and cried. My life just seemed to get worse. Not only did the dreams about my father come back, thoughts of him did to. I didnt want to be anywhere but in his arms.. What hurts the most was walking through the hallways and seeing him knowing that nothing would ever be the same and then watching a friend disappear around the corner aswell. It felt like i was always losing, when will i WIN ?! Thinking about it still makes me upset because ive never felt as strongly for one person since.. Though ive moved on and now am in a new relationship i miss my ex sometimes.
But im looking at it as a learning expierence i will never make the mistakes i did with him. My new boyfriend will love me for who i am, i wont change for him I will have a life outside of my boyfriend and not spend every day every minute with him. My new boyfriend will accept that i dont want to have sex all the time and i will when im ready. My ex is still single now, but i know feeling on top of the world and it makes me mad how he can be so happy but, life goes on right?

Thursday, October 22, 2009