A year ago from today.

A year ago from today i was probibly the happiest girl alive, though i was going through tough times with my dad and family, i was asked out by a guy 2 years older than me and felt amazing, i didnt know how much my feelings from then on would grow. This guy was my first love. I would never want to leave his side, i did everything i could for this one boy. We were attatched at the hip. Not only was he my boyfriend, he grew to be a bestfriend and somewhat like a father figure aswell. He would come get me if i needed to get out, he would push me in school and get mad at me when i did something i shouldent of, he protected me like a father. He was also like my medicine.. he scared away all the memories of my father that i would re-live in my dreams. That i would think about during the day. I just concentrated on him. My life seemed great. Like i said i gave everything to this boy.. even my virginity, when i wasnt ready.. but it didnt matter it made him happy. He seemed crazy about me too, buying me a ring and a cute stone with a cute saying on it. I loved him. Months later i went out for a weekend with my friend.. the longest i had been away from him. We had no contact and the day i got back he told me he wanted to be single again. That me being gone reminded him of when he was single. When he was free. I was crushed. Mostly mad at myself. I didnt know who i was anymore. I changed myself to be what he wanted. The next few weeks, were full of tears and sleepless nights. I went to school and dragged through my classes, then i went home and cried. My life just seemed to get worse. Not only did the dreams about my father come back, thoughts of him did to. I didnt want to be anywhere but in his arms.. What hurts the most was walking through the hallways and seeing him knowing that nothing would ever be the same and then watching a friend disappear around the corner aswell. It felt like i was always losing, when will i WIN ?! Thinking about it still makes me upset because ive never felt as strongly for one person since.. Though ive moved on and now am in a new relationship i miss my ex sometimes.
But im looking at it as a learning expierence i will never make the mistakes i did with him. My new boyfriend will love me for who i am, i wont change for him I will have a life outside of my boyfriend and not spend every day every minute with him. My new boyfriend will accept that i dont want to have sex all the time and i will when im ready. My ex is still single now, but i know feeling on top of the world and it makes me mad how he can be so happy but, life goes on right?