Maybe your gunna be the one that saves mee and afterall, your my wonderwall

I had a great may 2-4 weekend. I did lots of things but my favourite day was yesterday. Craig, Alyssa, Jenn, Will and I went to lake whitiker and went swimming in the lake. It was soo warm ! Like it was atleast 80 degrees, i was scared to walk in because there was supposively snapping turtles so Will would carry me out and squat in the water and i would sit on him, then we brough a picnic table in andsat on that and pushed eachother off for a little bit till everyone was wet. Then we tried doing this trust thing where we all grabbed hand and leaned back and tried to balance but we always ended up falling in. Then we played chicken. I got on Wills shoulders and then Jen got on Craigs and we tried to push eachother over, lastly we just sat on the picnic table and talked. Will took me for a walk through the camping sites to show me where his trailor used to be thn we decided we were gunna go camping sometime soon maybe this weekend coming up or next. We went on th swings for a bit and then headed out. We had to take alyssa home to wallacburg to. This weekend we also went to grand bend for a couple of hours and went to a bunch of parties it was super fun. Me and Will still fight quite a bit its nothing super big and our longest one lasted only a couple of hours but i hate when we fight its over stupid things to, and Will is so friggen moody. Everyone swears he has bipolar. His moods change faster then a clock. It can be bad. But we always work it out in the end. I wrote him a letter telling him how ive been feeling about somethings and about how its normal to fight once in a while in a relationship and just about alot of things and it made him cry. It was so cute i thought. I really want him to start having some goals inlife. I finally found out that he wanted to be a marine biologist since he was little but he given up on that because he doesnt want to go back to school. Im really trying to talk him into going back because he really will need it in the end. I also really need to get back to school, this year is almost over and its not looking to good but i have many new goals for next year to help improve. I want to work my bum off to get back to where i used to be when i had 90's in all my classes. Im trying out for Powercheergym vipers on thursday im a little nervous but really pumped because i want to get back into it but im scared there going to make me take my peircings out. I definitly would NOT take out my tongue, and i dont want to take out my nose but id consider it. If they do tell me to i probibly wont do it and just see if theres a team i could help with or anyway i could try and get east elgin a team. Or maybe cheerleading just isnt my sport anymore :( i really miss it though !

and i aint going out with no pain, wada da dang wada dada daang

so i have quite a bit to talk about, the past couple of days between me and will have been so crazy. We have been fighting a bit over the most stupid things and i hate it so much, but were trying to get through it.. i'll start from the beginning. So on thursday will and his friend chad were fighting because i guess Will owed him money for alcohol, so kay whatever. The next day i was talking to chads girlfirend about it and she asked me if i knew what the money that he owed chad was for, and i said ya.. alcohol. and she was like BULL SH*T. and i was like NO WAY. what was it for and she said blow. COCAINE. i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTT IT. I was sooo pissed off, i wanted to break up with him. i started like hitting stuff andd kicking stuf because i told him if he ever did it i woould leave him and he said he wouldent then he went out and did it, i called him and SCREAMED at him and he argued with me back asking why i was making it such a big deal, and i told him about my past and how he didnt understand my dad used to do it infront of me and how i felt like a peice of shit because it seemed like he didnt care. then he was like it was only one time blah blah then i was like thats all it took for my dad to get hooked and shit and how do i know he wasnt going to do it again behind my back? then he was like this isnt a good time to talk about this ill call you later bye i love you and i didnt say anything i just hungup and threw the phone. then he called me at like 8 later that night and i didnt answer the phone, then he sent me and inbox and 8 20 i didnt answer it and then he called me like 3 more times and i didnt answer until 9 and he was telling me how sorry he was and he couldent risk losing me, he told me he would stop smoking and doing weed and especially blow because there was more important things in life like me. i didnt completely believe him but i took it back anyways and told him he has one more chance.. he lost my trust though in that sense of things.. and he told me he didnt know it hurt me so much but he still has no idea its what i haave been thinking about for the past couple of days and just picturing him doing it.. it hurts so bad. We ended up hanging out that night and things got a little bit better, i felt a little bit better but the next day we went and hungout with his friends and went skateboarding and he was drinking.. he was asking everybody for smokes and he knows that i want him to quit to because of his asthema so when he got a smoke i took it away and i asked him why he told me he was gunna quit everything if he really wasnt and that bothered me. so when he lit one up i was like alright apperently smoking is more important so he ripped the smoke up and i took a bite of my ice cream and smiled he thought i was pissed or something still so walked away and went into a different car and i folllowed him and said whats wrong and he got mad at me and wouldent look at me so i said okay when your ready we can talk, for the rest of the night we stayed away from eachother. then finally i went and talked to him. he got upset because he didnt think that i ever came chasing after him when we got into fights and there fore i dont care pretty much but i tol dhim how that was so untrue.. we talked it all out and things were better again. We went back to his house adn went to bed. the next day we decided to go to the movies, he started to get jelous because of how many guys were looking at me so he started chirping everyone and being stupid and then i got mad and embarassed and said i was not going to a mall with him again so he got pissed and walked away then craig went after him and me and alyssa just walked away to, then because we were seperated and the mall was so big we couldent find eachother for like another hour. So me and alyssa got pictures together while they did who knows what, over time we eventualy ran into eachother and will just walked away from me and i tried to talk to him, then i forget what he said but it really upset me so i just ran out the nearest exit he grabbed onto me right before i was out the doors and then we started fighting. I stayed quit but he was yelling at me and people were staring and it was just bad. We didnt even talk it out enough to make it better we just said we were done fighting and gave eachother a hug, during the movie though he told me he loved me lots of times and saw i was upset so he laid his head on me and kissed me on the cheek but it wasnt until when the movie was over and we were in the caar that made me feel better, he whispered in my ear that w ecant let these things get between us because we were stronger then that. So i smiled then kissed him. That night i ended up drinking alot and was a little tipsey :S but we had an amazing talk that made both of us cry and made things better. then yesterday things were alot better he was just grumpy because his mom wouldent give him money so he ignored me for a bit. I think we just need some space from eachother for a bit so last night i went home for the first time in a week and a half and spent the night with my cousin it was fun to. Ill probibly stay with him again tonight but then not see him till wednesday.. i hope things will get better though, i know we can make it through this little phase or whatever.

let's trade shoes just to see what it'd be like to feel your pain, you feel mine. go inside each others minds

WAHOO, two weeks late but i got my period. Terrible cramps, terrible pms and major fatigue butt I GOT IT. I'm not pregnant YEEY. That little expierence scared the POOOP out of me, never am i gunna have unprotected sex again, infact im going to go on birthcontrol again asap and always use condoms (y) BE SAFE. So i have a bit on my mind lately, people tell me that me and Will seem like the couple who could be together forever and Will tells me how he loves me more then anything and that he doesnt want to have kids with anyone except me and wants to be with me pretty much forever. But what gets me is, is this really love? am i really in love? Does he really love me? He says that if he had any concept of it, its what he feels for me.. does our feelings grow even more then where we are at right now? I mean forever.. ya id love to spend forever with him but do i even really know him yet.. we have only been dating for almost 3 months. thats not long at all. He finally opened up to me lastnight he told me things that he doesnt like to tell people because he thinks they are downfalls when really its just part of what makes him who he is. What if someone better comes along, i dont like usuing those words but were so long, we have the whole world ahead of us with so many people out there left to meet. I mean i'd love to tell him that he means everything to me, but i dont know if he does because i dont even know if this is real. Maybe its just infatuation, i dontknow?
Lately ive been sad at night and have not been able to sleep well because i always wish i was with him. During the day im perfectly fine, i actually like going out and doing me, doing what i like to do and being with my friends but come 8 o clock all i want to do is lay down and cuddle with him but hes like 40 minutes away :(
I just wish i could drive but i have to wait a whole nother year before i can drive on my own, and have a car. I also just want to move out on my own aswell. I want to start my own life already and im only 15 years old. Its so frustrating. I dont even know why i feel this way. Lastly, its may, its almost been 2years since my dad first went to jail and this whole new rollercoaster started. I have an oral hearing in june which im so nervous for but it will benefit me in the end. Im also deciding that im going to do this thing, where i can eventually become a youth leader, i just go to this meetings called focus groups and talk about drugs and our opinions on it and how it has effected us in the past and the people around us, it gets me community hours aswell for school which is a benefit.
And on a brighter side of things, im passing 3 of my classes which suprises me because ive missed so much, but im going to go everyday this semester or whats left of it to try and get my marks up to 70's atleast.. :)
Ou and i found a new favourite song. If it means alot to you by a day to remember, Beautiful - Eminem, Despicable- Eminem, Not afraid - Eminem and We be steady mobbin- lil wayne :)
im looking forward to your response mrs. roth, you always help :) thank you