Sunday, May 9, 2010

and i aint going out with no pain, wada da dang wada dada daang

so i have quite a bit to talk about, the past couple of days between me and will have been so crazy. We have been fighting a bit over the most stupid things and i hate it so much, but were trying to get through it.. i'll start from the beginning. So on thursday will and his friend chad were fighting because i guess Will owed him money for alcohol, so kay whatever. The next day i was talking to chads girlfirend about it and she asked me if i knew what the money that he owed chad was for, and i said ya.. alcohol. and she was like BULL SH*T. and i was like NO WAY. what was it for and she said blow. COCAINE. i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTT IT. I was sooo pissed off, i wanted to break up with him. i started like hitting stuff andd kicking stuf because i told him if he ever did it i woould leave him and he said he wouldent then he went out and did it, i called him and SCREAMED at him and he argued with me back asking why i was making it such a big deal, and i told him about my past and how he didnt understand my dad used to do it infront of me and how i felt like a peice of shit because it seemed like he didnt care. then he was like it was only one time blah blah then i was like thats all it took for my dad to get hooked and shit and how do i know he wasnt going to do it again behind my back? then he was like this isnt a good time to talk about this ill call you later bye i love you and i didnt say anything i just hungup and threw the phone. then he called me at like 8 later that night and i didnt answer the phone, then he sent me and inbox and 8 20 i didnt answer it and then he called me like 3 more times and i didnt answer until 9 and he was telling me how sorry he was and he couldent risk losing me, he told me he would stop smoking and doing weed and especially blow because there was more important things in life like me. i didnt completely believe him but i took it back anyways and told him he has one more chance.. he lost my trust though in that sense of things.. and he told me he didnt know it hurt me so much but he still has no idea its what i haave been thinking about for the past couple of days and just picturing him doing it.. it hurts so bad. We ended up hanging out that night and things got a little bit better, i felt a little bit better but the next day we went and hungout with his friends and went skateboarding and he was drinking.. he was asking everybody for smokes and he knows that i want him to quit to because of his asthema so when he got a smoke i took it away and i asked him why he told me he was gunna quit everything if he really wasnt and that bothered me. so when he lit one up i was like alright apperently smoking is more important so he ripped the smoke up and i took a bite of my ice cream and smiled he thought i was pissed or something still so walked away and went into a different car and i folllowed him and said whats wrong and he got mad at me and wouldent look at me so i said okay when your ready we can talk, for the rest of the night we stayed away from eachother. then finally i went and talked to him. he got upset because he didnt think that i ever came chasing after him when we got into fights and there fore i dont care pretty much but i tol dhim how that was so untrue.. we talked it all out and things were better again. We went back to his house adn went to bed. the next day we decided to go to the movies, he started to get jelous because of how many guys were looking at me so he started chirping everyone and being stupid and then i got mad and embarassed and said i was not going to a mall with him again so he got pissed and walked away then craig went after him and me and alyssa just walked away to, then because we were seperated and the mall was so big we couldent find eachother for like another hour. So me and alyssa got pictures together while they did who knows what, over time we eventualy ran into eachother and will just walked away from me and i tried to talk to him, then i forget what he said but it really upset me so i just ran out the nearest exit he grabbed onto me right before i was out the doors and then we started fighting. I stayed quit but he was yelling at me and people were staring and it was just bad. We didnt even talk it out enough to make it better we just said we were done fighting and gave eachother a hug, during the movie though he told me he loved me lots of times and saw i was upset so he laid his head on me and kissed me on the cheek but it wasnt until when the movie was over and we were in the caar that made me feel better, he whispered in my ear that w ecant let these things get between us because we were stronger then that. So i smiled then kissed him. That night i ended up drinking alot and was a little tipsey :S but we had an amazing talk that made both of us cry and made things better. then yesterday things were alot better he was just grumpy because his mom wouldent give him money so he ignored me for a bit. I think we just need some space from eachother for a bit so last night i went home for the first time in a week and a half and spent the night with my cousin it was fun to. Ill probibly stay with him again tonight but then not see him till wednesday.. i hope things will get better though, i know we can make it through this little phase or whatever.

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