It kills me to stand here and see that im not what your dreaming of..

Dear Ryan,
YOU DRIVE ME EFFING INSANE. You just make me want you soo much. I just want to jump ahead to the future to see if your in it. I hope you are because i dont think ive wanted someone as much as i want you right now.Im really upset at this whole drama thing thats going on between you and my ex and im really sorry that he had to come and chirp you because i dont like him anymore it was ridiculous but i cant control what other people do and i really hope its something that doesnt effect anything between you and i and if am really something special or important to you, you wont let his words get to you. You seem to be everything ive ever wanted in a guy. Your a happy person, your cute, your outgoing and funny, your musical, you are smart. You smell good, your tall. You are peotic and understanding. You are someone who i can talk to and you seem like you understand and you help me. You open up to me and show me your sensative side. I know you will protect me if i ever need it. You are mature and ive always been a sucker for a singer. GAAH.
You always make me so confused though. Like i dont understand. You have told me that you have feelings for me but then give me some of these off signals. I think your letting my age get in the way of alot of things, which incredibly sucks, and i mean you have told me some of the things that you see in a girl and im always like well sh*t because theres only a little bit that i see in myself. I try to ignore those facts and just keep moving on but i do think about it sometime. I understand you might be scared to start a relationship or what not because of the way you have been hurt in the past or the fact yyour in college , in a band, sing and play guitar. For all the physical reasons. But no ryan, no thats not it at all, you could give up everything. You could sound like a frog when you sing and if you treated me the same way as you do and be like 15, i would still be like.. crazy about you. I like you for whats on the inside for your personality. I like you because of the way you talk to me or hold me. Or the way you laugh at me and call me KRISPY. I like the sound of your voice when you say my name. I even like the way you smell. That sounds so creepy. I could go on forever telling you how much things i like about you. The only hing i dislike is you thinking to much, i mean take chances. I know im some kid, and what do i know, but you only live once and lifes to short to sit around and think things out and in the end even if all is bad you still have that expierence to look back on and use for the future. Everyday you and i step outside of our houses we have the chances to be killed, even when were inside. Anything can happen and i cant imagine dying without getting a chance with you. Theres my crazy side. I'm still sitting here. waiting. Letting everythhing play out and hope for the best. Letting myself get ahead when i know i shouldent but i dont care if i get hurt anymore.
I kinda miss you and i am super excited for friday !!
-kbrianne <3