You asked if i would change the past.. Chances are that i wouldent*

bleeh.
Mysoundtrack told me he doesnt want to go through another highschool relationship. He wants something more and i agree i want something more.I dislike the age i am at because its all people see and they are always like "oh your 15 you dont understand" , " you cant fall inlove when you are 15, majority of the relationships at your age and throughout highschool are all about looks and sex"
I dislike being underestimated very much. I do completely agree with most highschool relationships being based on sex and looks, because majority are but out there they're is some that have so much more depth than that. I completely disagree with people my age not being capable of understanding what love is or feeling it, because there are some people out there who have. Its something i want to feel. I want so much more than sex, i want my relationships to be built on more than looks. I want to feel that courage you get from loving that partner, and the strength in knowing that the person loves you back. I want that person to feel the same way aswell. I want to get past that euphoric stage. I feel the soil(being me) is ready to nurture(not a child haha, im refering to a tree) and support something so much bigger than I. I want to take the time for that little seed of infatuation to sprout into that 40 foot tree of mature love. When im told " iloveyou" i want it to be ment. In my opinion you cant love me after a month of dating. You cant love me after dating me for 3 months. Maybe not even 5 or 6. Love is a commitment that requires patience, confidance, discipline, concentration, faith, respect, encouragment, communication, acceptance, daily practise and soso much more.
All does seem so intimidating, but im willing to try and take all that on. I'm so tired of dating people in highschool because they dont seem to want the samethings and maturity levels of most them are ridiculous. Its just not my thing, but then people look at me like im crazy to be even hanging out with someone whose 18 or 19 let alone being with them(if i am dating one), my family doesnt seem to understand and look at me like im weird when i tell them my reasons.
Am i weird? I dont know. I'm always told to grow down because i can only be 15 for so long, but im not going to be doing anything different when im 16 from 15, or 17 from 16. So i think they should say, i can only be a teenager or young for so long. I just am tired of being 15 i would prefer to be 17. It would make things so much easier between me and someone whose 19. Any opinions on all that?

So after a pretty crazy weekend. Focusing on friday. Ive been scared to sleep bymyself. Call me insane call me crazy but is eurynome just a coincidence? i dont really think so. Maybe what i saw that night was just a shadow, but it was enough to scare the living SH*T out of me, and the random voicemail of ooper and i, just ooper and i, on shortshorts phone with no missed calls or incoming calls is kind of weird aswell. Then on monday night when i stayed at oopers house hearing that mumbling and whispering caused me to jump turn on the lights and crawl into bed with her scared me aswell. Every night this week so far ive been waking up at 3:30 or 4 o'clock on the dot. It sucks because its causing me to have a lack of sleep also considering i dont go to bed till around 12, then stay up for an hour or so after i rewake up. I'm a girl who needs her sleep and im definitly not digging the whole zombie.. look like i got punched in the eyes look. I dont know what to do about that. Paranormal Activity i tell you. thank god i didnt go and see that movie. I would be going insane right now sitting in the dark alone. Even though im not feeling to peachy in the scenario im in already but im still living. So slowly semi is creeping up and i finally got a dress. I really love how it looks on me. Short tight strapless, mysoundtrack said i'll be fighting guys off of me all night. Too funny. He said he was going to take me out to dinner at Moxies so i could re wear the dress since he doesnt get to see me in it on semi night. So thats pretty exciting :D. All i need to go buy now is some silver heels to make my shortlegs look longer and a silver necklace. Then im going to be all set. I already know what i want to do with my hair to. Im so excited. Then the next best thing is the party. I'm pumped :D