Monday, April 26, 2010

Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore.

So i dont really know where to start today. I guess ill start with the good. I had a great weekend ! Alyssa came down again everynight we had fun and we made a new friend. Her name is turbo tina, shes a LLAMMA ! Our friend craig lives across the road from a farm that has like 8 llammas, Tina was the only brown one. We call her TURBO tina because when me and alyssa run along the fence she would always follow us, and then eventually we started racing her. She runs so fast. We would go out every morning, and everytime as soon as tina laid eyes on us she would run to the fence. I tried to feed her but she just spit on me, i guess she doesnt like the type of grass i had. We went to the drive in aswell and saw kickass I got to get all cuddley with william which was good. I saw will everyday this weekend aswell. Were getting so much closer, now we can talk about anything and do just about anything infront of eachother without getting embarassed. Like when we are bored and just kissing eachother between every breathe we tend to make some sort of animal noise, mostly meows its a little weird but it always makes me laugh. And theres just so much more i could go on about with him and i but it would take to much time. Hes trying to find a job right now which is really good because we and our friends still want to find our own place and i just want a whole new start, ive dug myself in so deep i just dont know what to do anymore. I want to transfer to a catholic school in woodstock now, with Alyssa and Amanda. I want to make new friends aswell and meet new people. I wouldent forget my old ones but still. Right now i feel a bit overwhelmed, mostly because my period is a week late and i might be pregnant. I dont know what to do if i am either. Im not ready for a baby.. im only 15 years old. I couldent take care of it and go to school. Id have to get a job because my mom wouldent have enough to support it and its not her responsibility to anyways. I dont think id want to give up my body aswell to nurture a baby and i dont want to know what labour pains feel like till 10 years from now.. Will said if i did choose to have it hed work two jobs and i could work aswell and if we do get that apartment wed have somewhere to stay and i might be able to get student welfare but it wouldent be easy. Im not ready. But everytime i think about an abortion it makes me what to cry because ive already grown an attatchment to something i dont even know if its there, but just the thought of taking life from something, and the thought of having something grow inside of me and me giving life to something but its such a huge responsibility. My mom keeps asking me why i keep torchering myself like this.I dont know why, im much smarter. But this is teaching me a lesson and scaring the living SH*T out of me and Will. It definitly is something that would never happen again..
My mom is now making me be home early sunday mornings so i can have a day to do things for me, like my laundry and my homework so i can get back on my feet, she says im so much better then what i have been being lately. Its just getting worse aswell, and its hurting my mom because she feels she cant do anything about it. I think this will help me a little. That way i could spend time with her aswell. I stayed home from school oncee again today, my teachers definitly arent going to be pleased, but i really am going to try in the next couple of months to attend more and get my grades back up and just get out of grade 10. urg.


  1. Have you taken a pregnancy test? If your period is a week late, you should be able to take the test... Don't torture yourself with the "what ifs" - find out for sure so you can take a next step if need be.

    I look forward to your response.

  2. im going to take one tommorrow or wednesday