Sunday, March 21, 2010

Im not perfect but i'll keep trying.

So my feelings are undescribable at the moment. i dont know how much more i could like this kid. Whether its how he grabs my hand when were cuddling, wraps it to his and then kisses it that drives me crazy or whether its how he moves the hair out of my eyes, looks into them and smiles or maybe its how he smothers me in his sleep when he grabs ahold of me and pulls me close. I dont know but i havent felt this way in such a long time. I met his family last night for the first time, wonderful people. His mother seems outgoing and is honest. definitly not a shy women his dad on the other hand is a little bit more quiet. Lastly his grandmother, she is 80 he said and is the most precioud thing ive ever seen, as soon as i saw her smile when they said i was wills girlfriend gave me the butterflys, shes such a cute little thing. Will said i was the first girl hes ever brought into his house which made me feel quite special. He is self concious about where he lives but i told him that its not what he or his parents own what i am crazy about its him. He just smiled and kissed me. Im so happy that im with him. I hope i will be for a while.
One thing that irratates me so much about myself is, i am timid around people that i dont know to well or have just met. Will brought me out today with him to hangout with all his guy friends. I felt so out of place sitting there watching them play video games or watching them skateboard. And i barly talked, like i had nothing to say and didnt know what to say. I just hope that doesnt change anything between us. It makes me a little nervous because he knows me to be that fun outgoing girl, then lately ive been quiet and what not. It makes me so mad.
I am not looking forward to going to school tommorrow at all. But my mom said if i could go to school this whole week she would give me 40 dollars to go get a piercing which sounds like a great deal if you ask me. I know that my mom shouldent have to reward me for going to school but i just dont want to ever go anymore. I never thought i would say it but at the moment i hate school. I get so nervous and so angry at the thought of having to go. Most people are like well i get to see my friends and what not and classes arent even that bad. But id rather see my friends out side of school and just spend my time in my room or something. Grr but im going to go and just get it over with. Maybe thigns will change with the weather and i can finally get back into sports again or something i shure hope so.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like meeting Will`s family was great! I know what you`re saying about it feeling awkward around people (like his friends) when you first meet them, but just be yourself. Each time you see them it will get easier for you, and in not time, it won`t feel awkward at all. By the sounds of it, something like that wouldn`t ever change the way he feels about you. Especially when you`ve made him feel so comfortable about where he lives; you accepting him will make it easier for him to do the same for you, no matter what the awkward moments are.

    As for school, the way you feel about going has so much more to do with sorting yourself out than it does with school itself. But you will feel better if you just go, piercing or no piercing. If you can go everyday for a full week, then you can keep up the routing much easier. Hang in there, you can do it!

    Looking forward to your next post,
    AR

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