Something i hate, when someone gives up a friendship for a relationship. Why would you throw away someone who will be by your side for.. almost forever for someone who has cheated on you already and probibly is only going to be there for another 6 months? I dont know but it sure hurts. When things dont workout what are you going to do, crawl back to me? I dont even know if i want to stick around now. I should of listened to the people who told me you were an a*shole. But nope i had to go and get close to you and now sit here and watch you walk away for some stupid girl. I dont understand why i cant be in your life to? It frustrates me.
So my mom is thinking about putting me in anger management classes, which i really do not like to do, but it might be good for me, lately ive been having a terrible time controlling my anger. When i get mad i just can feel my blood boiling and the feeling that builds up inside of me.. i cant even explain. Then i yell and sometimes punch things.. i almost pushed over the fridge last night knocking everything on top onto the floor. Then i just stood there and felt so stupid because of my actions, but next time im angry i just go on and do it again. My mom keeps telling me she doesnt know what has gotten into me lately but as the day goes on she sees my dad come out in me more and more, and sometimes that isnt always a good thing. Atleast tonight i can look forward to seeing Will, hes coming over for the night again and im just so excited, i cant let myself get to attatched tho. Like the last couple of nights i have cryed myself to sleep because i wish i could see him more or i wish that i was with him, i just hold onto his pillow and my bear names foo tightly then eventually fall asleep. It was hardest last night because i knew he was at a party drinking with many people.. mostly girls. Is it bad that i have a hard time trusting people, i dont show it but its always there in the back of my head.. its just i know that he cheated on his ex girlfriend once, and im just scared it might happen to me to. I dont take no sh**t from anyone though so if i ever find out he did, im cutting his butt of with a snap of my fingers and show him what kind of girl hes missing out on.
March break is going by way to fast, i wish it would slow down a little, i am not looking forward to going back to school at all, im failing science- 29% and my gym mark is 65% not good for someone whose gym mark ranges from an 80-90. my history is an 87% which is okay and i think my careers is around a 60 or 70 which isnt that greeat because all that class is, is about you and your plans for the future basically.. I need to get involved in a sport again or something that really boosts up my motivation but school teams are definitly out of the picture seeing as i do have way more truents then two.. but in my defense majority of them my mom is aware im home she just doesnt bother to call the school. I am just gunna try to get my science mark up to pass it and bite my tongue through the rest of the semester and show up a little bit more, i cant wait till summer.
I just want to get out of this town, and somewhere new. I want to move out on my own with friends somewhere warm all the time.
but im goingto clean my room and talk to an old friend
lots of love, kb
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
KB,
ReplyDeleteAnger is never the first emotion - it is secondary to something else you are feeling. I don't think there's any harm in going to anger management; all of us could use tools to help us deal with situations that make us angry.
The feeling of your blood boiling is one I can relate to, and it's worse when you feel like you know it's happening but can't do anything about it.
Your relationship sound very intense, with emotions running high between the two of you- including jealousy and mistrust. You don't have to have a perfectly healthy relationship, but you need to ask yourself if you and your partner are capable of working on and/or overcoming trust issues...
My computer's in the shop and my access will be limited over the next couple of days. Please keep writing and I'll respond when it's back!
Enjoy the rest of your break!